Being a calm and anger-free person will positively influence all areas of your life and contribute to increased success with your family and in your work. Be the person others like to be around and want to help. This gift of success is only offered to the person who is calm and remains that way.
When you feel anger growing within, or it is being expressed, take a break from being in the same room with the person you are angry with. Wait until you have calmed down before you resume the conversation. It may take five minutes or five hours for the necessary calmness to return. While you wait, do something else. For example, go for a walk, call a friend, go for a drive, or go shopping.
It is important to tell your partner that you will return and that you are not rejecting him or her. Tell them the reason you are taking a “time-out” is so you can stay calm and not hurt anyone with your anger. If possible, inform your partner when you hope to return.
Some couples designate a room in the house as a “time-out room” where someone can go, close the door, and be alone until they have calmed down. In the time-out room, there can be magazines, a computer, a phone, and other items that can be used to distract oneself from the topic that is triggering angry feelings.
The time to leave the designated room is only when you have become calm and are certain you can remain that way. Try to get an agreement from your partner that if you need to call a “time-out,” he or she will cooperate and not pursue you. If you are trying to leave a stressful situation that could lead to a confrontation, the worst thing that could happen is that your partner blocks your way or follows you. Blocking a partner’s exit has provoked many violent clashes. This needs to be avoided for countless reasons.
If you think the “time-out technique” could help you, discuss it with your partner. Discuss how you may need to leave when you feel anger building and request acceptance of that need, not opposition. If you call a “time-out,” assure your partner that you will return later and then continue the discussion.
A “time-out” is not a technique to avoid your partner or an important topic. Rather, is it a tool to avoid becoming angry and hurting yourself and others. While the “time-out technique” is useful, and for some even necessary, it is not the preferred solution. It is better to learn how to control yourself and successfully manage a situation without having to run away.
For some, the “time-out technique” is needed as a starting point to break a bad cycle of anger and retaliation. Once this has been achieved, more effective anger management tools and strategies can be used.