‘Hidden anger’ is when a person expresses anger using withholding or rejecting behaviors. This type of anger is often referred to as ‘passive-aggressive’ anger. For example, an angry mother turns her back on her daughter and pretends not to hear anything she says; or an angry husband won’t speak to his wife for a week, yet he pretends nothing is wrong.
Passive-aggressive anger is difficult to resolve or defend oneself against since, typically, the perpetrator pretends that he or she is not angry. The invisibility of passive-aggressive anger is precisely why it is a powerful weapon often used to attack another person.
When angry, you hurt others. However, once you are calm and you realize what you have done, you probably feel regret for what you have said or done. You may choose to cover these feelings of regret by continuing to blame and rage, but they are there. Until you acknowledge them, you will remain agitated and distant from the person you ‘attacked’.
Your best choice is to calm down and take responsibility for what you have done. Yes, apologies are appropriate! They are not always enough — but they are an essential start.
Better yet, use your anger management skills and strategies to stay calm and find effective means to solve problems or get the reasonable things you want.